Wednesday, June 12, 2013

A Journey I'm on... PPD

I once read that life is: Up Down Up Down Up Down Up Down, rather than a winding long road filled with fields of wild daisies, which are my favourite flower by zee way.

Milla age 2

Lets go back to where this journey really began... 2009.


If you had of asked me 3.5 years ago, I would have said daisies, for sure life is daisies. I had a handsome husband, a precious 2 year old girl and very excited to be newly pregnant. Life was pretty sweet.
Little man

Then I got sick, and sicker and sicker. Morning sickness is the pits! All day sickness sucks. Throwing up everything. I was so sick I couldn't care for Milla, which is heartbreaking to think back on. My wonderful family flew in to take over "mummy" duties for me.

I can remember getting to a point where I thought to myself

Either kill it, or kill me. I don't care.

I am not an advocate for abortions. I am not. This was just what was in my mind (in between puking). 

I was lost in a fog

The Dr put me on Zofran, an anti nausea drug, which was a God-send in getting me back on my feet and functioning again. I still felt nauseous but I wasn't head in bucket anymore. At 26 weeks I took my last Zofran, I was beyond nervous, scared that I would end up needing the bucket again. Thankfully I didn't.

Fatty-boom-bah.... err.. I mean ooo blooming

The pregnancy proceeded with not too much excitement...
Except for potential delivery at 28 weeks with low fluid, borderline Pre Ecclampsia, swelling from head to toe, insomnia, and carpel tunnel, yup not too exciting at all really *sarcasm*  

2.5 Weeks early (thank Jesus!) Phoenix arrives... like superman with his hand by his head. Healthy as can be. My perfect little man.

He grew and grew and Milla loves him to bits, my husband was so helpful and my biggest support.

A year later at Phoenixes One year old immunisation appointment I mentioned to the Doctor how foggy I felt. How I kept mentioning to my husband that I felt like I couldn't cope. I looked like I was coping. Note that. If you asked any of my friends, 99% of them would have said I had my life sorted and was doing well.

I felt like I couldn't cope

My Doctor immediately took me through a Postpartum Depression questionaire. I failed dismally... or I got every answer right so would that be considered a pass? Ha! Either way. I had confirmed PPD.

What??? I have amazing support, my husband is the best, the absolute best in the world. I have a fantastic family and friends around me. I believe in Jesus. I am strong. I am confident. I am blessed beyond blessed.

...and yet. Depression?

                                       ------------------  To Be Continued   ----------------------